Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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