The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
