My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
