I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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