Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
