Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
