i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
