You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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