Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
