I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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