: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
