Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
