I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
