I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
