Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
