school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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