Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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