i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
