Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
