i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
