we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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