You're my little dorito
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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