It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
