Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
