sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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