pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
