WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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