I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
