You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
