O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
