She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my shit smells like andre
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
