Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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