I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I want to fling myself into the sun
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
