Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
