I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
