she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
