oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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