): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
