Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
