New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
