If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
