Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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