He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
