are you so shy because you have an std?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
