Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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