Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
