is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
