She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
