Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
