oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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